EsotericFrench (esotericfrench) wrote in okcupidlolz,

Everyone's a Critic

Alternative Title: No YOU'RE sexiest!!!!!1!

So tonight I got THIS bullshit from some unattractive 42 year old douchemonger with username Reylatin.

Can you please retake the picture with the white dress, but with nice shoes and without sunglasses?
I hope your weekend goes well.

Please, please, don't mess up on the shoes. Black or white but open toe high hills. There!

What. What the fucking fuck.

His profile isn't filled out so I can't get a read on him. Based on his e-mail I think he may have actually been SERIOUS.

There are many ways I want to respond to this POS. 1) I'm wearing the world's most adorable ballet flats in that photo so stfu. 2 Did you know all the health problems that high heels cause, like a snapped achilles tendon, back problems, ankle problems and REDUCED FEMALE ORGASM FROM UNNATURAL CURVING OF THE PELVIS? Yeah. 3) I kind of just want to send a photo of me wearing hiking boots and holding up a sign that says "fuck you."

Ultimately I just responded with this:

"Here you go:

[link to photo]"
 photo okcupidpicture_zpsde0482f1.png


His reply:

LOL, bitch!!!
I love how you spent all that time on me, I'd preferred if you had spent it making me a sandwich or doing what I told you to do. But in a way it's nice to see you have a creative side.
I always thought I should have worn other shoes that day. :-)
The rest of the comments were just stupid and overkill thou.

Take it easy with the passive aggression. It can be fun as long as you don't over do it.

And mine:

Oh, don't worry, I wasn't really spending that time on you. I mainly made that photo to entertain my friends after they were absolutely floored by how obnoxious your message was.


Pick better friends.
I was hitting on you, not attacking you.
This is a dating site, not a debating one.

If your concept of hitting on a woman is to insult her sartorial choices and imply she has some kind of obligation to dress up for you - and to say absolutely nothing relating to the interests she specifies in her written profile, essentially commenting on physical appearance alone - then I'm pretty sure I dodged a bullet.

And just FYI, among all the other myriad health issues that high heels cause, long-term high heel use can cause an unnatural curvature of the pelvis that lessens the intensity of the female orgasm. I would certainly never give up my ability to orgasm for the likes of you.

Granted, if I were to ever date you I have a feeling I'd be giving up orgasms regardless of what shoes I decide to wear.


It doesn't matter what I say. Something must be bothering you, maybe you had a bad day, cause if you think about it, you shouldn't be this emotional.
You sound bitter and sexiest.
If I show interest in you, however badly, you shouldn't be this emotional towards me.

Ah yes, it can't possibly be something YOU did. You shit golden bricks and fart magical rose-scented fairy dust. As for emotional. Unless you count "case of the chuckles" as being emotional I'm actually feeling quite calm. "You're emotional" is the refuge of small-minded men who belittle a woman and then can't fathom that she's well within reason to have a negative opinion of them.

Though you are right about something: "You sound bitter and sexiest." I am TOTALLY sexiest.


If this is you calm, I wouldn't want to see you hysterical.
Like I said, "however badly" that implies that I might have gone about it not in a perfect way.
I haven't said one single insult to you, but you keep getting nastier and nastier.

I know you have body issues and also some psycho-emotional ones.
But I'm not psychic, how was I supposed to know you were unstable.
Most women love shoes. Most wear high heels and medium hills. Or low hill but nice looking, not horrible. And what's the excuse for the horrible sunglasses? That's my fault too?

Baby relax, I was showing interest. Get that in your head.
If you need to, please talk to someone about your issues. It can only help. ok.

So let me see if I understand your logic:

1. You say obnoxious, sexist shit to me and repeatedly insult me (which you claim you haven't done despite it being right there in writing, showing what a complete hypocrite you are - nice sunglasses btw).
2. I call you out.
3. I am therefore passive aggressive, emotional and have body issues and psycho-emotional issues and am unstable. Because, apparently, if you're saying obnoxious, sexist shit to me in order to hit on me I should be flattered and just accept it.

According to you, if a guy went up to a woman and said, "You're butt ugly and stupid but that's ok because I dig ugly stupid chicks" she should swoon. And if she doesn't, she's psycho and unstable. And has body issues.

So that's how you view women - as people who should just submit to and placate men no matter what those men do or say to them - and you had the audacity to call ME a sexist.


Baby relax, take it easy, what' really bothering you?
Girls like shoes, and I think that makes a girl more attractive, that was all.
You are emotional, that's not an opinion, that's a fact.
I thought you were cute, that's why I wanted to see your face, I really like the way you look on the picture with the black dress. I also liked your face in the mirror. That's what all that was about. But you took things the wrong way.

I hope you get your issues resolved, please talk to someone, don't let your ego, keep you outside of reality.

I expect an apology.
Good nite!

What's bothering me is your blatant sexism. In your first e-mail you didn't just insult my shoes and my sunglasses; You implied that I have some kind of obligation to change the way I dress so that I can be more attractive to you, which is like saying that as a woman my function in society is to be pretty and that you finding me attractive is somehow more important than my personal choices or comfort.

Since that e-mail you have continued to spout sexist tropes and to insult me, patronize me and devalue my opinions by claiming that I'm "emotional." Calling a woman emotional whenever she voices that she has a problem with your behavior is also exceedingly sexist because it plays into negative stereotypes about women in order to invalidate what I'm saying rather than addressing my arguments on their merits.

I am trying to get you to have a lightbulb moment here where you realize just how problematic your behavior has been, and rather than consider the possibility that I might have a point and that you have an opportunity to evolve, you prove completely unwilling to critically consider your own behavior and instead resort to sexist name-calling in order to avoid having to take a good look at yourself.

I will not apologize to you because I am right and you are wrong. You are a raving sexist. My attempts to teach you how to be less sexist do not mean that I have "issues." They mean that I am aware and you are simply ignorant.


What I like about your last email is the fact that you changed your tone a little bit, which might mean that I'm getting through to you.
I'm not a sexiest, you are. And that thing about women in high heels not being able to cum, it's just stupid. It is also very disrespectful to all women. So let's be clear about this, you are a sexiest, not me. I want women to wear what they want. But you want them not to wear high heels.
You could wear comfortable pretty shoes, not comfortable ugly ones. That's it. So stop arguing that point.
Now, how could you possibly be attempting to teach me something?
I am older and smarter than you. That's a fact.
Plus if you are unstable and emotional, that will cloud your judgement, everyone knows that but you.
It is me who's trying to teach you something. But you're letting your ego keep you from seeing that.
You can tell me your opinion about anything, you just have to do it in the right submissive way.
But if you insult me when all I done is hit on you, then you're just suffering from some type of personality disorder or something.
I also get the feeling that you are taking it out on me what someone else did to you.
Let me tell you something bu, that wasn't me.

I liked it when you showed me your creative side, then you messed that up too, and then you went on to mess it even more by telling me that you were showing our private messages to all your friends. I don't even think they're that good of friends. If they were they'd be honest with you and help you get therapy.

It seems to be that the closest thing you have to a true friend is me. And yet all you do is to treat me like crap.
I need you to be submissive, sweet and bubbly when you address me. Can you do that?

Start working on that apology, it'll do you more good than me.

Your points are getting repetitive. Essentially everything you've said so far can be boiled down to:

1. No you are!
2. If you have a problem with something I do you must be crazy because I can do nothing wrong.

Try again.

And then I lose track...

Him: ... And this is you:
"I won't apologize for my behaviour" "and I'm thinking about getting two or three cats".

Me: I'm sorry you're a delusional sexist idiot.

Him: Baby why you keep insulting me? I thought we agreed you were the sexiest.
I won't call you an idiot. I'm an adult. Plus I know you're just a little insecure.
Knock it off with the insults.

Me:They're not insults. They're statements of objective fact. But, alas, we've already established that you struggle with fact vs. delusion.

I agree, however, that I am, indeed, the sexiest. That has been established.

Him:LOL, there you go, finally you show traces of a sense of humor. I'm bilingual so I can mess up in my grammar now and then. Now say something nice about me.

Me:I cannot think of a single nice thing to say about you, sorry.
(I refrained from saying, "Doesn't bilingual imply that you actually speak both languages WELL?" Though not being a native English speaker might explain like...5% of his bullshit.)

and then he tries to play the artifical high road game...

Well, I gave you so many chances to come around and see me for who I am and treat me with respect and be sweet and bubbly. As much as I enjoy the debate. I am here to date not debate.
And since you didn't say anything nice about me. That's it.

Good bye, good luck, don't message me anymore.

Me: Respect has to be earned, and women are not under any obligation to be "sweet and bubbly." That kind of ridiculous opinion is precisely what makes you a sexist. You seem to be operating from the assumption that I somehow want you to like me or to come to some kind of truce. This is incorrect. I do not like you, I do not care if you like me, and I have no interest in getting warm and fuzzy. I am simply trying to use logic (to which you appear immune) to correct your sexism. Why on God's green Earth would I WANT to be sweet and bubbly to you or to say anything nice to you? What motivation could I possibly have to do so?

Him: How about these facts:
1. I'm cute.
2. I get you and tried to help you see reality.
3. I was hitting on you.
4. Etc..

Don't message me anymore ok?

I hope you get the help you need, after all, we all need and deserve love.

Good bye.

Me: Cuteness is a matter of opinion, and I don't find you remotely cute, sorry. Please explain how you "get me." You have shown nothing but a complete inability to understand any of the points that I am making by completely ignoring them the entire time. You have made assumptions about me with absolutely no facts to back them up other than that they are what you need to believe in order to discredit me so that you can continue believing your delusional and sexist thoughts about women. You were hitting on me in a way that showed a complete lack of respect for me as an individual and as a woman, and you refuse to acknowledge that your intent to get into my pants does not somehow make that ok.

This is the help that I need: OKCupid removing sexist pigs like you from their website. I hope I get that help, too.

In the meantime, you can do me a favor by:

1. Acknowledging that women have a right to wear whatever they want, and that it is a dick move to imply that women should dress a certain way just because YOU find it attractive
2. Acknowldging that women do not have an obligation to be "sweet and bubbly"
3.Acknowledging that women do not have an obligation to be "submisive"
4. Acknowledging that women do not have an obligation to talk to show respect to men who haven't earned it
5. Acknowledging that voicing a problem with something you say or do does not automatically make a woman emotional or psychologically unstable

Failure to acknowledge any of the above proves that you are a sexist.

Tags: insults, sexism
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